Forks : A Twilight Parody
by V i n e s s a L y n n x HarHar
Summary: Yeah so this is about Twilight, except its me making fun of it. Even though I make fun of it, it doesn't mean that I do not like the book/characters. I actually love the books, and have read all of them and have enjoyed them all.
1. Chapter 1: A day in the life of Forks?

**Forks : A Twilight Parody**

_This story was made by the all amazing Vinessa with her supreme mind and some fresh bacon._

_(RATED K+)_

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_Chapter One: A Day In The Life Of Forks? BAHAMA MERMAIDS! :]_

There once was a girl named Bella. She was butt ugly. No wonder why she was forced out of Phoenix! All she could take with her was her pointy little green cactus. But not any pointy little green cactus - well actually yes, it was only a pointy little green cactus. There was another reason for her being kicked out of Arizona- She couldn't afford her therapy bills. She was in therapy for about two years. I would tell you why, but it might scare you a bit--OH WHAT THE HECK! She was in therapy because her mommy was obsessed with mermaids, that's right, MERMAIDS! And, that is why her mother and father are divorced.

Anyways, there she was, waving to her mother and Phil as she was getting ready to board the plane. She was trembling, as she looked down at the shirt her mother bought for her, with mermaids on it. She boarded the plane, tripping on the stairs.

Phil started laughing, "BAHAMA! YOU KLUTZ!"

Renee just stared at him. She thought he was weird, what about those flippin' mermaids!?

She soon arrived in Forks, Washington, where she was supposed to be staying with her dad Charlie.

I thought about why Forks was called Forks. Why not spoons! Psh Posh.

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_(Bella's POV!)_

"Hello my butt-ugly daughter!" Said Charlie, as he waved and shivered at the sight of the mermaids.

"Oh hello!" I said, not noticing how scared he was of the mermaids on my shirt.

I went to hug him, and he hesitated, staring at the mermaids. I slapped him, and he regained his thoughts. He hugged me, and then realized the mermaids were touching him, and he ran screaming like a little school girl. I walked into the house and looked around for him.

"READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!" I yelled. I searched around and then gave up and decided to go up to my room. I found him in the corner, his arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth, side to side. "GET UP YOU LAZY BUM OF A FATHER! PAY SOME ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDS WILL YOU?!"

"Your kids?" He asked. "I only have one kid, retard." I responded "NU UH!" as I pointed to the other bed in my room. My little sister, Jackelyn, was sitting there playing with her dolls. "I don't see anything." Turns out it was all in my imagination...my bad.

I then walked over to him and stuck my head into his face. "MY HAIR SMELLS LIKE ORANGES! OH WAIT! STRAWBERRIES! BAH AH!"

He got up and walked out. "Oh by the way, welcome home kiddo!" He said, walking out the door.

I unpacked and noticed all my clothes were extremely ugly. I mumbled under my breathe "Stupid mermaids...".

"Come hither, Bella!" Said Charlie.

I shrugged and ran down the stairs, tripping multiple times, landing flat on my face.

He jumped up and down, seeming like he was excited for no reason at all. "Guess what!? I GOT YOU AN ULTRA COOLIE MERCEDES AND ITS AWESOME!!!"

"WHAT!? OH MY FLAMINGOS!!! YOUR KIDDING! SHUT UP! OMG! AAAAH!"

"Stupid ugly klutz of a daughter say what?"

"Wait, what?"

"HA HA I GOT YOU STUPID!"

"Ha ha you thought I got you an ultra coolio mercedes, but I just got you an peice of crap truck from Billy!"

"Who's Billy?"

He gasped, " I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!"

And he ran crying.

I stared for a moment, and then I pushed him down and walked outside to see my new car. I hopped in and started it up, listening to the awesome Vroom-Broom noise it made. I jumped for joy. I finally found something that seemed more retarded than me. "Oh wow, you really think I'm more retarded?" said a voice coming out of no where. "Um yes?" I said. "TRICK QUESTION!".

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	2. Chapter 2: Forks High

_Chapter Two: Forks High. (Bella's POV!)_

I woke up to the sound of rain drops making a pitter-patter noise on the window sill. I got ready for school.

And blah blah blah blah....

_(later on that day)_

_And Then A car ALMOST hit me but then Edward saved me with his ultra big hands and saved it from crushing me! "BAHAHA!"_

_Then in Science Class...._

The wind blew my strawberry hair as I walked into Science. Woosh Woosh! I skipped in, and plopped down into my chair. I patted the dude next to me. "WHY HELLO THERE YOUNG MAN!"

He stared at me, opened the window, and pushed me out. He jumped out too after about 15 minutes and pulled me to the forest.

I thought about what I would say to him...

_About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a creature I never thought I would have to deal with, a mermaid. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for the smell of my strawberry hair. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him (even though mermaids scare me like hell)_


	3. Chapter 3: I know you?

_Chapter Three : I Know You? (Bella's POV!)_

He finally let me go and I fell onto the floor. He started to mumble. I looked up to him.

"I know what you are..." I said.

"Say it, out loud." He said. "Say it!" He said, getting louder.

"A...well...um...".

"Just say it!"

"Well...."

He waited. He began to get more and more frustrated.

"FINE! A....A Mermaid...."

"Ye...Wait what!?"

"You heard me...a mermaid."

"What no!"

"Oh. Teeheee!"

"Im a vampire."

"A vampire mermaid?"

"No! A Vampire!"

"Are you afraid?"

"Well, duh! Your a mermaid!"

"Ugh! No Im not You idiot!"

Pssh Posh. I'm a vampire.

_Well then .... _i thought.


	4. Chapter 4: For the whole night?

Then there was prom....You know i can't dance so i sat there until Jacob Black came over and tried to give me money for the night! -WAIT WHAT? He was buying me for THE NIGHT? UH OH!

Bahaha. And then Edward wanted to dance with me and then I accepted and then he dipped me and I asked him to change me into a vampire and then he put his head down and he almost bit me but then I slapped him and he changed into a bat and flew away.

FIN/THE END!

(Sorry there isn't bunch of info, but I'm gonna update soon! Bahaha! :]


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